Struck Down but NOT Destroyed!

I didn't realize how long it had been since I posted anything. Wow! 2011 was over a year ago and a lot has happened in that year. But I'm not going to mention all of that in this blog. Today I am going to focus on the most recent happenings in our little family.
I am going to start by saying that having children has not come easy to us. We were trying to have a child for 3 years before God gave us Matthew. When I say trying, we never went to a doctor and got advice or fertility treatments or anything. We figured God would bless us when He was ready, and He certainly did. When Matthew was about a year old, we had a miscarriage which broke our hearts and put us down but not out. We have been trying ever since, which has been a little less than 2 years.
That brings us to today. Just before Christmas, we found out we were pregnant again! Very excited and nervous all at the same time. We didn't tell many people what was going on because we were still very early in the pregnancy and praying things would end happy this time. We almost made it to 9 weeks before things started going crazy again. We had started getting our hopes up that things would end differently this time. Blood tests determined that my progesterone was really low, which is bad. Days later, as the doctor suspected, God took our baby to heaven with Him.
When things started happening, we prayed fervently to God, asking Him to let us keep this baby. We also told Him that He was in control and we ultimately wanted what He wanted. We just didn't want to go through the pain and the heartache we did a couple years ago. We prayed for peace and strength. We are heart-broken and life will never be the same, but we have a peace and comfort this time, which has spared us emotionally this second time. God answered our prayers. But not exactly the way we were hoping. I just cannot wait to see what God has in store for His Kingdom and His glory that is far better than blessing us with another child.
Don't get me wrong. We are hurting and we are down but will survive because God has given us strength and love. He cares for us more than we ever deserve. We deserve nothing, but He has given us a wonderful son, and 2 more children we will meet in heaven. He has given us wonderful support from family and friends in the hard times.But ultimately, without God's love and grace, we would be despairing.
If you do not know this love and grace I speak of, I encourage you to find out more. God loves everyone, including you! It doesn't matter what you've done, or who you are, He wants you to come to Him just the way you are. If you want to learn more, talk to me, my husband, or anyone else you know about it soon. You never know what tomorrow will bring.

St. Louis, Here We Come!

Aaron, Matthew, and I are headed to St. Louis this weekend. We haven't seen my family there since Matthew's been born. I am so excited! How do you fit what they missed in the last 21 months into a weekend visit? Impossible! But at least he will meet them and we'll get his picture with them. To top it off, my aunt has free passes for us into Six Flags while we are there! Not sure how that will go with Matthew, so if anyone has any suggestions, I'm game. But we will have fun! Thinking and planning, planning and thinking about this weekend is all I've wanted to do this week. I am glad Matthew will get to spend more time with my grandpa because he's getting old and you never know ...

A little more into my life ...

Aaron and I met while we were in college. I was going to a college in one town and he was going to college in another town 45 minutes away. His pastor's daughter was getting a ride home with Aaron the weekend before Valentine's Day, 2001, and wanted me to go with her so she didn't have to drive her car back by herself. Always willing to help a friend, I said yes. We met Aaron at his college and when I first saw him, he was wearing suspenders! I was thinking to myself, "What have I gotten into?"

I'm pretty shy with new people, so I didn't talk to him much for the first half of the way to her house. The second half, my friend had a headache and layed down in the backseat, forcing me to talk to Aaron. If you know Aaron, you know he likes to talk, so we didn't run out of things to talk about.

The next day, he called my friends house and asked me if I wanted to go to their church's Valentine's Banquet with him. I said I would. Why not? My friend and a bunch of other people from the church were going to be there so if it didn't go well, I wasn't alone.  I was nervous the whole time, but he was a gentleman. And on our way to my friend's house, he asked me if I wanted to go to the BSU (now it's BCM) Valentine's Banquet at his school. I said yes, and the rest is history!

OK, so if you're a guy that probably bored you to death. So here's something for you.  Aaron got his first deer this season Saturday night. He brought it to the house before he cleaned it and showed it to Matthew. I figured he'd call it a zebra. He just learned to say zebra, so any animal he doesn't recognize is a zebra right now. He was looking at it, saying "D, D, D!" (which is deer in Mattheweeze).

"Let's Start at the Very Beginning"

I am going to be honest. I've never done a blog before so this is a new experience for me. Everything I've heard and read says a blog should be about you. People like to read about real life, so here it goes.

 Before I start in on where I'm at today, I would like to give you a little information about me. My dad is a pastor and my mom is a special needs preschool teacher. My brother writes computer programs and is happily married with no children, yet. I have a wonderful husband and a son who has stolen my heart.

I lived in St. Louis, Missouri until I was 12. Then, my dad started pastoring a church in Southeast Missouri, middle of nowhere town with a population of at most 400. I didn't appreciate the move because I was in the middle of 6th grade and was in middle school in St. Louis and 6th grade was still in the elementary school in our new home. But looking back I know God had his hands on us the whole time.

Within a week of my high school graduation, we moved to Southeast Kansas, where my dad started pastoring another church. I didn't mind it much because I was off to college in a few short months. But my new friends in Kansas took me in like I'd been around forever. God knows what we will need and provides it before we even know we need it.

While I was in college, I met and married the love of my life, Aaron. After moving around a few times, we are finally settled and loving every moment.

Enough about my boring past. On to something much cuter - my son, Matthew. He is almost 21 months old and I love to watch him learn something new every day! He makes my heart smile. His newest word is zebra. Right now, if he doesn't know what an animal is, it's a zebra. 

All he's wanted to do lately is draw. I cannot tell you how many pieces of paper are covered in his wonderful art. Seeing how dedicated he is to his artwork makes me look at my life. (He just walked up to me and wanted to draw!) What am I that dedicated to?  Church? Friends? My family? What? I wish I was as dedicated to learning and growing in the Lord as he is to learning and his artwork. He has made me stop and think about myself more times than not. Sadly, sometimes it takes a child's view to remind us of the important things in life.